Raising Cain Read online

  Raising Cain

  Wild Rose Series

  Book Three

  By

  Scarlett Jade

  Grace’s world is rocked after Christina dies and she’s left learning how to raise a micro preemie with many health concerns. As Cain reaches his first Christmas, someone from her past returns, and Grace is left reeling.

  When Drake finds a strange e-mail in his inbox after returning from touring with his band, Jacob’s Ladder, his first thought is that it can’t be true. A part of him has to know for sure, and he makes a trip to Phoenix to find out if Grace really had a child, and if it’s his.

  Grace is determined to make sure the littlest wild rose has a home, and she’s not willing to have her heart broken again by anyone. Being alone is the safest thing.

  Drake has other plans.

  Can he convince her to fall in love again, or has Grace become wary of love’s thorns?

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved.

  Copyright 2014 © Scarlett Jade

  Published by Beau Coup Publishing

  http://beaucoupllcpublishing.com

  Cover by JRA Stevens

  For Beau Coup Publishing

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

  Chapter One

  Grace stared down at Cain in his crib, and she couldn’t stop a smile from crossing her lips. The flaxen haired baby lay sprawled on his back with a clenched fist over his eye. A soft smirk touched his mouth, and he wriggled slightly, his breath becoming steady and slow again as he dozed. She was in love with him, wholly and completely.

  The last few months had been hard, there was no denying that. Cain had struggled to breathe correctly, and it had taken several months before he was able to take a bottle instead of getting his sustenance through a feeding tube. Even now at nearly eight months old, he slept brokenly, requiring oxygen and a nasal cannula to help him breathe at times. She couldn’t count the nights she held him so he would sleep, and so she could rest. It wasn’t the ideal situation, by any means. They both had to rest and it worked.

  After his birth, he had undergone treatment for HIV, a precaution since Christina had HIV while she was pregnant. Six long weeks of medicine and two tests, six months apart, showing he was HIV free had everyone breathing a sigh of relief. No one wanted the baby to have to deal with HIV on top of all the other complications he was facing. Grace had been so very overwhelmed during the first few weeks of his life, she had to deal with her own grief from losing Christina and then figuring out how to raise Cain.

  Learning how to raise a micro preemie wasn’t necessarily something one wanted to jump into. She was thrust into endless rounds with doctors, intubations, surgeries, his heart stopping twice, and many other scares.

  In his early life he’d already had his first surgery, one to repair bleeding on his brain at a month old, when a tiny blood vessel had broken and he needed the fluid removed. It had been terrifying for Grace, thinking of his tiny little body in surgery. Cain had proven to be a fighter like his mama and pulled through like a champ.

  She’d learned quickly to shut off her emotions and just watch and wait. Five long months she watched and waited in the NICU, waiting for him to be well enough to go home. The day they’d said Cain could leave, she’d rejoiced. They’d flown home to Phoenix, riding in first class with Cain attached to oxygen, and they made a life together in the big old mansion.

  Her father, Damien, had spared no expense in making sure that Cain was taken care of, and for all his help, Grace was grateful. She would have never been able to afford everything on her own. Her time was spent almost exclusively at different doctor appointments for the little boy. He had a cardiologist, a pulmonologist, a neurologist, a gastroenterologist, and a pediatrician. It was a full time job making sure he was healthy and happy, and Grace wouldn’t have changed a minute of it for anything anyone could offer.

  Things had changed dramatically around the porn mansion. Damien began outsourcing the filming, it was no longer done in the house. He gruffly admitted he didn’t want his surrogate grandson growing up around that mess. Instead of a pristine mansion, there were baby things everywhere. Blankets and bouncy chairs, crinkly toys and rattles, swings and books littered the house. It was a happy chaos, and it was all because of the sweet little boy who had stolen their hearts.

  Patrick and Addie, friends of Christina’s would be coming down for Thanksgiving, which was just a week away and Grace was nervous about the visit. The last time she’d seen the couple face to face, they had offered to adopt Cain, and she hoped they didn’t ask again. She understood they had more to offer the little boy, a mother, father, and a “real” family. Grace knew Christina had wanted her to care for him. No matter how hard it was, nor how tiring, she’d promised Christina she would take care of her son.

  Cain had filled up the empty spots she didn’t know she had. Reaching down into the crib, she gently stroked back an errant lock of pale blond hair and smiled softly. “You look so much like your mama.”

  He stirred slightly at her gentle tone, and Grace withdrew her hand and tiptoed out of the room, knowing he needed his rest. While Cain slept, Grace took a few precious moments to herself to check her e-mail, something she hadn’t done in forever. Sitting down at the computer in her office next door, she kept one ear tuned to listen for Cain’s cries and began working through the thousands of e-mails.

  When she got to the end of the messages, she found one from Christina from back at Christmastime. Tears filled her eyes as she re-read the message. Pressing her palm to her chest to stem the ache that blossomed there, it felt much like someone reaching in and ripping open the hole she’d almost healed. Turning in the chair, she bent forward, her sobs shaking her shoulders.

  I miss you! My God, I miss you. You’re missing out on so much, Christina. Did you know that Cain doesn’t need his apnea monitor anymore? He should be babbling soon, and it’s going to break my heart when he says Mama and you’re not here. What am I supposed to do? Let him call me Mama? That doesn’t feel right. It should be you! You should be here with me in this big house, us raising Cain together. It breaks my heart that you’re not. I miss you every day. I can’t count the times I’ve picked up the phone and dialed your number by accident. Whoever has your number now has gotten used to me calling and asking for you. They just remind me that it’s not your number anymore, and I break down and cry again. The little old lady has comforted me many times. I just forget you’re not here. I still feel you here sometimes. The last eight months have been so hard without you. I just wish I could talk to you one last time. Dad helps as much as he can. He’s busy, and it all falls on me. Don’t think I regret saying I would care for Cain, because I don’t. I love him. It’s just hard. I had no clue raising a child would be this hard. Much less one who has had so many health issues. They’re talking about doing surgery on his heart very soon. We’ve been waiting until he got stronger. What am I going to do if I lose him? I can’t lose him too, Christina. I’m so scared.

  A hand touched her back, and she jumped, spinning in the chair, half expecting to see Christina standing there. Her face fell as she realized it was her father. “Dad?”
r />   “Who did you think it was gonna be, baby?” He pulled her into his arms, and she wept into his chest.

  “I miss Christina so much. It’s so hard not having her here,” Grace sobbed out.

  Damien rubbed her back gently. “You’re doing great, sweetheart. Cain is growing and thriving, and it’s because of you. You’re doing an amazing job. Who is up with him all night long making sure he’s eating correctly? You. You won’t let anyone else take up any of the slack. You take him to every appointment, you’re constantly reaching out to doctors and making sure he’s getting the absolute best care. I know Christina made the right decision in giving Cain to you. At first, I wasn’t too sure, I worried that you were too young, and I hated to think that you were giving up your youth to watch him. I wondered if an established couple might have done a better job. Grace, you’ve grown up so much in the last eight months. You’ve made me so proud. I know you’re tired, and you can learn to lean on me for help. We could call in a nurse…”

  “No.” Grace sniffled. “I can take care of him. I’m not going to have you pay for a nurse when I can do the job.”

  “Grace, you have to sleep sometime. You have to see humans other than doctors and nurses occasionally,” Damien argued.

  “No, this is my life now,” Grace adamantly declared, pulling from his embrace and wiping her eyes. “I want to take care of him. I want to do this.”

  “Christina wouldn’t want you to run yourself into the ground, baby.” Damien touched her arm again, concern knitting his brow.

  “I know she wouldn’t. Things will get better as he gets a little older. The doctors have said his lungs should be much better after he’s two. Soon he’ll be working on solid foods, and things are progressing great,” Grace insisted.

  “It’s okay to ask for help, Grace. Let me have someone come in just for an hour twice a week to give you a break. When was the last time you got to take a shower?” Damien pressed.

  “I don’t know, maybe a week or so ago. Are you saying I stink?” Grace asked in horror as she sniffed her armpits and winced.

  “Well, I’ve noticed buzzards circling the house…” Damien chuckled softly.

  “Oh God. I’m a mess,” Grace wailed, her hands coming to cover her face.

  “Listen. I have the afternoon off. I think I can take care of squirt when he gets up. He’s a baby. How hard is it to look after a baby? Why don’t you go take a nice shower and catch a little nap, okay? We’ll be fine, I promise.” Damien firmly gripped her shoulder, and Grace allowed herself to be propelled into her bedroom, the room adjacent to Cain’s nursery. The rooms adjoined with a door, and she left the door open all night so she could hear him.

  “Dad, I can—” Grace argued and Damien shook his head firmly.

  “No. As your father, I’m telling you to take a few minutes to yourself. Otherwise, I’m calling in the Hazmat team. Take a bubble bath. Read a book. Do something. Just for Grace. I’m not going to break Cain, I promise.” Damien pushed her into her room and pointed at the bathroom. “Go on.”

  With a defeated sigh, Grace closed her door and hurried into the bathroom. I’ll just take a quick shower… She stared at the huge whirlpool tub and groaned. Maybe a soak would do me good… She turned on the hot water and plugged the tub before searching the cabinet for some bath salts or bubble bath. Finding a bottle of bubble bath, she liberally added in a capful under the running water. Stripping her clothes off, she stepped into the water and moaned out loud.

  She slid under the surface of the hot water and began to relax. I’ll just soak for a few minutes… With lazy strokes, she washed her body and then her hair. She leaned back against the edge of the tub and closed her eyes. This feels amazing.

  A knock at the door made her jump, and she yelped as cold water splashed over her skin. Her bath water had grown tepid. “Grace?”

  “Yeah Dad?”

  “Um, you’ve been in there for about two hours. Did you fall asleep in the tub?” Damien asked.

  “Is Cain okay?” Grace worried as she jumped from the tub and began drying herself.

  “He’s fine. Just get dressed and we’ll see you in a bit.” She heard Damien leave the room, and she sighed as she finished drying off. Moving into her bedroom, she dressed quickly in a T-shirt and jeans, her routine mommy wear. Gone were the cute clothes Christina had pushed her to get. After Cain puked on most of them, she stuck with T-shirts.

  It didn’t matter, really. She wasn’t trying to impress anyone. She didn’t have time to meet any guys or go on dates. Cain was her focus. He had to be, he deserved it. She hurried back to the bathroom, tossed her hair up in a jaw clip, and slid her glasses on. Once she was presentable, she opened the door between her room and the nursery and frowned when she didn’t see Cain in the room. Okay, Dad has him.

  Meandering through the house, she finally found them in Damien’s office, where he was snuggling the infant and talking on the phone. Cain kept grabbing for the cord dangling off the phone and cooing with glee each time his thin fingers caught it. Damien would gently tug it away and the game would continue.

  Grace grinned at the cute picture they made. Damien glanced up, and he grinned at her. “Give me just a second, I have to pass my right hand man off to my daughter.”

  Cain spotted her and reached up with his delicate arms, and Grace’s heart melted. She scooped the baby up and snuggled him close. Then he yanked on a small tendril of hair that had fallen from her up-do. “Ow, Cain, don’t pull my hair!” She winced as she extracted the hair from his strong grip.

  Too soon it was time for his bath and a feeding before bed. She hummed softly as she rocked and kissed the top of his downy head. It’s worth it. Every minute.

  Dear Diary,

  I wonder if Christina would be happy with how things are going. I hope I’m doing right. I’m trying. I’m learning as I go and trying not to make too many mistakes. I never imagined it would be so hard to raise a baby. Never in a million years did I imagine taking on Cain would be so hard. It’s worth it, though. Every minute I get to spend with the little miracle Christina gave me is a minute I get to spend with a piece of her. Maybe Dad’s right. I should try to find some other humans to interact with. I’d love a friend, a mommy friend who would get what I’m going through. Maybe one day. For now, we’ll just do what we need to, just the three of us.

  Grace

  Chapter Two

  The morning of Thanksgiving was extra stressful for Grace. Cain was having problems with reflux and two nice outfits for Thanksgiving dinner with Patrick and Addie were sitting in the laundry room covered in puke. “Oh, sweetie, is your belly hurting?” She cooed down at the infant, who gurgled back at her.

  She didn’t know why it mattered so much to make a good impression on the couple. Maybe you want to prove that you can handle raising him, so they don’t offer to raise him for you? Sighing softly, she twisted her hair up and pinned it in place. Staring into the mirror for a moment, she contemplated putting a little bit of makeup on. What’s the point? Who do I have to impress? Dad? Patrick? Snorting softly, she left the bathroom.

  Pulling on her last clean blouse, she buttoned it quickly and tossed a burp rag over her shoulder before picking Cain up from his bouncy seat. She kissed his little cheek and straightened his outfit. Damien had picked him up a “My First Gobble Gobble” onesie, and he looked absolutely adorable.

  “Don’t throw up on me again, mister!” she chided playfully, carrying him down the sweeping staircase and into the kitchen. Damien was pulling a turkey out of the oven, and she sniffed the air. “It smells good!”

  “It does, huh? Can you believe this is our second Thanksgiving together?” Damien grinned proudly down at his golden turkey and placed the pan on the counter.

  “It’s hard to believe it’s been that long,” Grace admitted.

  “We’ve come a long way, huh?” Damien held out his hands to Cain, who gurgled happily and reached for him.

  Grace quickly tossed the burp cloth over h
is shoulder. “I’ve had two shirts ruined today.”

  “Ah, it’s nothin’ but a little baby love! Isn’t that right, Cain? Do you love your Mama G?” Damien tickled at Cain’s belly and smiled at the tyke.

  Grace paled and fidgeted nervously. “Don’t teach him to call me Mama.”

  Damien sighed and kissed the baby’s cheek. “Grace, you are his mama. Not his birth one. You’re his adopted one. You need to realize that.”

  Grace shook her head firmly as she began setting the table. “No, it’s not my place.”

  “You need to get over this imaginary hurdle you’ve put there. You take care of him. You love him. Christina is gone, honey, and she left him to you. You’re his mama.” Damien touched her shoulder, and she paused in placing the silverware on the napkins. “You have to realize that it’s okay for him to call you mama. Because one of these days he’s going to. You’re his mama. He’ll always know who Christina is, but you’re here now. You’re tangible to him.”

  Tears pricked at her lashes, and she pulled away from him. “I don’t want to talk about this,” she whispered, her throat tight with unshed tears.

  “You never want to hear the truth. All you’ve done for eight months is hide away and pretend the rest of the world isn’t out there. Have you once gone out and done something? Gone for coffee? Seen a movie? It’s not healthy, Grace. You need some kind of socialization. I’m worried about you,” Damien continued, pushing places she didn’t want to be pushed.

  “I get plenty of socialization going to appointments with Cain. I talk to people,” Grace insisted.

  “How many friends do you even have, Grace? A girl your age should have at least a couple of friends. Join a mommy group, do something! You don’t even have a boyfriend. You’ve decided to take on the role of martyr to raise this boy, when you don’t have to. You can still live even though she’s gone.” Damien touched her shoulder again. “Christina wouldn’t want you to live like this.”